11 Steps To Unstoppable Confidence : The Key to Getting More of What You Want With Less Effort and Resistance

How-to-get-confidenceConfidence is a tricky bitch. Yours, in abundance, one minute no more than an echo the next.

When you’ve got it life makes sense. You feel as you should. When absent nothing you find yourself out of place and ill at ease.

Confidence. We covet it but but what is it really? Where does it go when it leaves? And how can you boost your confidence such that you have it in abundance every day because it is now when you always need it most.

Confidence is the most unfair competitive advantage a man can have in business, relationships, and life. It plays an enormous role in how other view you. Exerting a powerful positive influence on your success.

With confidence, life graciously bends in your favor.

Confidence is not ego, machismo nor all the things you might have thought it was at 22. It’s not an attitude that weighs on the room but rather a deep knowing that you are good, solid, capable and that the world is ultimately safe and here to serve.

Confidence influences life in the best ways. It makes people want to follow, want to support you. It allows you to be open, real and present. It may well be the most potent “trait” of the successful man.

From my experience, I can tell you that confidence is one of the most commonly lamented missing elements of a middle man’s life. The once 30-something successful guy, rich with all the answers and a big life ahead is now 40’s and plagued by the doubt which has crept in over the last decade. All that was once certain is in flux and open for reassessment.

(that’s the double edge sword of growing up, of wisdom, you come—at some point—to see through the illusions of certainty you created to simplify life… and when you do, it’s unsettling.)

Where once the kids were a precious joy, your marriage flying along, your energy was strong and an active social life kept you moving and shaking. Now, come your 40’s; the kids are amazing and demanding, marriage is teetering between an asset and liability, your social ties have dwindled, the work of business consumes your every waking hour and you can’t recall the last time you felt like the alpha man in the room. Your idea of a vacation features sleep.

As many of my clients say to me, “What I wouldn’t give to feel that ol’ confidence I used to know—just for a day.”

Well, if you’re ready to get back your mojo—feel the soaring confidence that is so healthy for your life—a new, I’ve got some good news and some bad.

First, the bad news: that old confidence? You’re not going to get it “back.” Let’s face it. A part of that confidence was based in a limited knowing. In an illusion. set of beliefs that are no longer valid.

You’ve seen things that can not be unseen now. You know things you can not unknow. Let that ol’ confidence go… and

The good news. Confidence is tricky but it can be had. It’s here for your taking and making and when you know what it’s made up, where it comes from, you can step into a confidence that is present, strong and purposeful.. and always here for you in in the moment.

It’s in the knowing what to do and how to embrace it as it comes… and how to be here now.

Here are 11 ways to boost a strong, always-on confidence.

Now, I am not talking about the ego that masqueraded as confidence in youth. This is not about how to make believe or convince others. The power and freedom is in truly owning your full confidence whether you’re in debt or have a million in the bank.

For true confidence is not based on money, it’s not the result of winning. Sure, it leads to both but if you must have the confidence first, the other two become much, much harder to come by.

One thing you should know about confidence is that true confidence is more in the body than your head. It’s a way of being that is felt and witnessed in the body. It’s not simply a belief you hold in your head.

Thus, we shall use the body to generate the confidence you really, truly want to generate the epic success that you most deserve.

1. Do the next right thing

Confidence is like a building…it is built one brick at a time. In every moment there exists a next moment, a next action, that will either build you up or tear you down. Only a little—sure. Yet, it’s the little by little action of building—the result of doing the next right thing—that will fuel your confidence and make you stronger.

2. Serve another silently

We are one. Connected. When you do something—large or small—for another without any need for fanfare or media, you gain something almost magical. Greed and confidence are like oil and water. They repeal. Generosity, compassion and service attract confidence with equal and opposite power. When I say, “serve,” that includes—as a former Navy SEAL friend reminded me the other day—be a “willing servant of God.” However you may choose.

3. Say, “No” with complete freedom

No. No thank you. Nope… Often very difficult and charged words for us all. When you say a strong NO to what would only be a yes to guilt, you gain freedom, autonomy and confidence. No is something most of us need to develop a much more wholesome relationship with. For, for every “no” you are saying a strong “yes” to yourself and your wants and desires.

4. Own missteps and Apologize quickly

You’re not perfect. None of us are. We make mistakes. We slip, we slide and we get cranky. Own it. Apologize. Release it. You will gain confidence, freedom and strength on the spot. What a relief it is to own this capacity. And every time you do it, you will get that much better at it.

5. Start your day—every day—with a protein rich, nutrition shake

It’s true. There is no better way to fuel a great, high-energy day. I know, you can’t start that way today. That’s beside the point. So, in the meantime, start with a nutrient rich, calorie compact, protein pumped nutrition shake—however you have to make it.

This practice will put your mind and body right, elevate your focus, energy and get you out the gates soaring—on top. Not compromised, tired and drained. Plus, when you start your day with this consistency it frees your mind, bolsters your clarity and creates a sort of confidence and clarity momentum that will leave others wanting to follow you.

6. Get to bed on a set time and get ample sleep

Having a bedtime ritual puts you in control. It supports your self worth and the beauty of sleep—waking rested—is it gives you a hand up, every day. A well rested body mind is resourced and capable. Certainly a key to confidence all day, every day.

7. Eat Clean, Green with ample Protein

Eating well supports a strong, clear body mind and reinforces the value of self. It is an action that screams you are good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it—I like me. Yes, plus a million other reasons for it’s hard to be confident when you’re sluggish, overweight and sick.

8. Be Early to Rise

Early to rise makes a man… Yeah, you know the rest. Well, there is some truth in getting a strong, clear and “ahead” start on the day.

9. Meditate 10 minutes daily

Meditate? Yes, meditate. To meditate is to nurture a new relationship with your thoughts, your existence, the world. Eventually, it will speed your thinking and slow your being. It will allow you to see the world around you with an ease and clarity that has you “in the zone” all day, every day. And what could give you more confidence than seeing the world that everyone else is swimming violently in.

10. Confront the thing that challenges you

We all have our kryptonite. That thing we are no good at or feel no good at. The seemingly “small” thing that you avoid owns you. Release yourself. Remind yourself that you are strong and capable and nothing is too big or too tough. As Barney Fife said, “Nip it. Nip it in the bud.”

11. Eliminate people who steal from you

Be it money, time or energy… You know you’ve got people in your life that steal one of them from you. Even worse, they may be someone close to you who simply can’t bring it to support you, to offer a good word of support. Trust me, life is tough enough without handicapping yourself with these people. Wish them well and let them go. Chase them away if need be. Just get free. Your confidence will reward you.

12. Lift heavy things most days

Strength is personal. It’s tangible. You can’t buy, borrow or steal it. You must earn it to own it. With every rep of every set you are anchoring strength and confidence. Bolster your clarity, confidence and strength daily.

A Recipe for Success

There you go. Blend anyone one, two, three or twelve of these and you’ve got a sure fire recipe for confidence that will dominate as it showers you in success.

The common element among all these confidence boosters is, as you can see, getting out of your mind. That’s to say, stop focusing on self—whether you’re strong enough, good enough or smart enough. Serve others as you embrace the simple daily practices that strengthen you inside out.

tim-larkin-tftRemembers, confidence is in your body, not your head. It’s forceful but quiet, humble and strong. And, of course, it never hurts to know how to kill someone with your bare hands or at least to defend yourself in a crisis. For everything you’d ever need to know about this, check out Target Focused Training from my pal Tim Larkin

Here’s to your confidence at full strength!

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  1. Matt February 26, 2016 at 8:49 pm #

    Excellence post! And wow, did you ever hit the nail on the head! ☺

    “Now, come your 40’s; the kids are amazing and demanding, marriage is teetering between an asset and liability, your social ties have dwindled, the work of business consumes your every waking hour and you can’t recall the last time you felt like the alpha man in the room. Your idea of a vacation features sleep.”

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